Dear Marty,
I am so sorry about all the troubles my husband has caused you. Well, you are not the first one, let me tell you. He does this to all the cast iron Newbies on the Wags forum. This is his little game to get their cast iron. Here is how the scam goes. They usually end up asking how to clean their cast iron. Then Mr. Friendly gives them the complete setup for electrolysis, except he has them switch the leads, as you found out. He acts all friendly, gets them to tell them a bit about themselves, such as where they live. He has a little map set up and sticks markers in it. Well, after they don't post for a few days, he starts checking online in their local paper for the obituaries. Bingo. Then he sends the family a nice letter and tells them he was a good friend of the deceased, and that they shared the hobby of collecting Griswold and Wagner. He then says he would like to purchase (at significantly reduced prices) all of their loved one's cast iron, only as a memorial. Usually the family falls for it. Don't those people at Wags ever wonder, why Newbies will come on and act all enthusiastic, and post all kinds of questions, then suddenly you never hear from them again???? I have asked that Greg Stahl to boot my husband off of that forum, but he just won't do it. Maybe he is in on the scam.
I will have to keep this short, as I am writing this e-mail from a library. You see, as soon as I heard that my husband was released from jail, I hightailed it out of here. I am going on a trip to Brazil, with Antonio, a young, handsome ranch hand that resides not too far from here. I expect to have a fine time and Antonio is going to teach me to tango. Oh, if you could see his fine, young body, with his long, flowing, black hair, chiseled chin, firm muscles, and six pack abdomen, you would be as excited as I am.
You see, I have never gotten to travel much. No, my husbands idea of travel is to go to garage sales and flea markets and look for old cast iron pots and pans. He spends all his money on these stupid old pots and pans, and there is hardly any money for me and the kids. I patch and darn all their clothes, and have even had to resort to making the kids moccasins from the deer he shoots and brings home. All we ever eat is venison, and vegetables that I grow and can myself. Once a year he may bring home some skimpy fish. But we sure have plenty of money for those stupid old pots!!!!!!! And if that isn't bad enough, he spends most of his time lying in the back yard, next to a stupid tub with his 40 amp battery charger, sucking up juleps. Every time I ask him what he is doing, he replies, "working." Oh, he is just real happy when one of his "shipments" comes in from those deceased Newbies.
He says the same thing when he goes out fly fishing. Claims he is working to feed his family. The worst of that situation is, he comes home, and goes on and on with the big lies, about how he almost caught the "big one," and then the big excuses about how they all got away. If he brought home just 1/10th of the fish he claims he had on the line, we would all be fat and sassy, and could open a fish market.
I have had a hard life with this man. He never buys me anything, and there is never any money for me to buy myself some little thing. Heck, the last time he gave me a gift was on our wedding night. I knew I was in for a ride, when I opened the box and found a flannel nightgown that belonged to his Great Grandmother, from her homesteading days in Wyoming, and a pair of drawers that belonged to his Great Great Aunt Thelma. He thought they were sexy.
Marty, have you ever seen the movie "Fried Green Tomatoes???? Do you remember when Idgie Threadgoode said to Big George "it's hog butchering time?" Well, when I get back from Brazil, it's going to be hog butchering time. I am hoping you could return some of those big, cast iron pots.....(keep the other stuff, fly fishing rods, and battery charger.) 'Cause we are not going to barbecue, we are going to make pots and pots of stew in his stupid, old, cast iron pots, and I am going to invite the whole State of Wyoming.....all 348 people.....to a BIG party. I will sit under the tree and roll my tongue around the top of my julep glass, while waiting for Antonio to hook up a couple 200 amp welders to my soon to be departed husband!!!!! I will then sit and stir my stew, drink more juleps, all the while ogling Antonio's body. Oh, Lord Have Mercy, I am getting all giddy just thinking about it.
I think you can understand how hard my life is and why I am going to Brazil with Antonio for a little while. Well, I need to go now. I have to stop at Walmart and buy me a red satin night gown. Antonio said he likes red satin. Heck, I think I may buy one of those paper Japanese fans, and a red rose to hold between my teeth.
I hope you are feeling better, and I hope your husband comes back from Mexico. Antonio said we could stop in Mexico and look for that 22 year old blonde and he would take care of her for you. He is such a thoughtful fella. But I told him I didn't know what she looked like. I just should have sent you those shotguns, but my little Lyndsy hid them from me, as soon as the word got out her Daddy was getting out of jail.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Baggsy
